Polar Themes: Birds on Ice: Artic Seabirds and Global Warming, March 2^nd, 7 PM at the REI store, $10.  An artic bird researcher discusses how global warming and shrinking artic ice effects the seabird population on Cooper Island.  This could foreshadow changes coming here to Puget Sound.  ж  Also, Pacific Science Center presents an exhibit on polar research, March 2^nd - 5^th, cost varies.  Films, photos, and hands on activities for the kidlets.  Demonstrations include extreme cold and glacier flow.  After this exhibition, our recent cold spell will feel like the equator.

Religion: Contraception - Why Not? March 6^th, free.  Conventional thinking is contraception decreases out-of-wedlock pregnancies and abortions, and improves marriage.  Au contraire says Prof. Janet Smith, detailing her thesis on how contraception is actually counter productive (no pun intended.)  ж  Also, Lenten Recital Series at Plymouth Church starting March 3^rd, donations accepted.  UW students present organ recitals.  Here's what you do after your Mardi Gras hangover clears up, or this is good if you feel a twinge of guilt for excessive Mardi Gras party hedonism.

Poetry: Seattle Arts and Lectures Poetry Series, next event on March 6^th, $18.  We read the written word, but poetry is what we're about.  ж  Also, Red Hot Words at Little Red Studio, March 1^st, by donation.  Erotic poetry for the evening.  Get turned on through the ears instead of the eyes.  ж  Also, the Columbia Tower Club has a poetry club meeting the third Friday of the month.  Listen to the musings of others and contribute your own.  Email Vila for additional info and RSVP.

Fundraisers: Eastside Domestic Strike Out Family Violence Bowl-a-thon, March 4^th, $60.  So, like, would wearing a wife-beater T-Shirt be a faux pas to this event?  Trying to crack, "I beat my wife up: I get up at 7 AM, and she doesn't wake up until 8" probably won't fly either.  ж  Also, Mardi Gras Party Fundraiser for VamoLá, a drum and dance troupe, Feb 28^th, $12.  Get that Brazilian vibe going.  ж  Also, Celebrity Snow Jam, March 4^th, $10+.  It's like Dancing with the Stars, skiing style.  Hollywood actors come into our town joining pro skiing and snowboarders in a race down the mountain.

Fashion: Prom Fashion Show at Palisade, 11 AM on March 4^th, $45, brunch included (Call 206-285-5865 for tix.)  Mothers and daughters will be thick at this event.  Ball gowns and satin shifts trot down the runway on the cusp of the prom season.  Actually, wearing a frilly prom dress complete with the up-do, jewelry, and make-up is probably going to be a moment of peak-babeness in a young lady's lifetime, so make it a good dress.

Outdoors: Heron Homecoming Party, Feb 28^th, free.  Washington's largest blue heron colony flies back into town, literally.  If it turns out that you're so enthralled by the Herons, they have a little volunteer party on March 4th were you can go help out too.

Women Events: Crave Oscar Party, March 5^th, $45  A pajama party for the ladies during the Oscars, with all of the usual gee-gaw for women's events.  They can spend the night painting each other's toenails or something.  ж  Also, Self Defense Series for Women, starting March 7^th, $129.  This is self-empowerment the old-fashion way.  Learn how to avoid trouble, or get out of it.  ж  Also, Female Protagonist and May West Film Festival, starting March 4^th, $18.  That May West is nearly a century old now, and she's still provocative even in our time.

Business: DECA Competition, March 2^nd - 4^th, free.  Over 2,500 high school aged DECA students compete for our imaginary dollars with the best business ideas.  Young minds produce some very intriguing business ideas.  Out of the lot, there's probably a couple of million dollar business waiting to be hatched at this competition.

Exhibition: Belly Dance Competition, March 3^rd - 5^th.  Stomachs will be rolling like ocean waves.  On a proportional basis, Seattle certainly has a lot of belly dancing troupes.  Actually, most of the performers really don't have rock hard abs; they're regular people doing this for fun and health.  ж  Also, Cymbal Workshop, Feb 28^th, $12.  Along with a triangle, you'd think this would be just about the easiest musical instrument in the world to play.  Apparently, there's more to it than just "clang" so here's where you can go to figure it out.

Organization: Jet City Sports, a year-around volleyball league for adults.  Some leagues are competitive; others are just for the fun of it.  It's a good way to spend time and get a little exercise.

Where No Man Should Go: If a man voluntarily goes to one of these events, then by guy-code, another man has permission (indeed, a duty) to slug him in the shoulder and accusing him of being, well, dickless.

Menopause the Musical: Spending an evening with a theater full of 45 year old women cackling is just estrogen overload.  You'd have to go out to a hockey game or something just to even the balance out again.  No man should ever be caught at this cootie-fest.

Any Wedding Show.  Her little girl princess fantasy is coming true, and toting a guy along destroys the whole chemistry.  This is the time for her to swoon with her girlfriends, basking in the light of her magical moment.

Figure Ice Skating Events.  Not to impugn the great athletes who perform, but there's something a little to femmy for a guy to go without being dragged along.